Trusting the Process

The coffee machine sputters off to the side, contrasting the steady beat of the song playing over the speakers. All of it filters into my ears as muffled background noise. The soft and worn ear-muffs of my headphones turned on to noise-cancelling mode. No music or podcast on in my end, instead the sporadic greetings of coffee dates arriving at the shop, keyboards clacking alongside mine, the whoosh of the door opening and closing sufficing for now.

I came to a new coffee shop today to work on the way home from a doctor’s appointment. Needing to get some work done, whatever that may mean these days; knowing that if I went home, I’d instead find some task or another to do instead.

Can I say I am “starting a business”? I haven’t filled out any paperwork. I don’t have a Zoom account. My laptop is at least 10 years old and needs to be rebooted before the fan whirrrrrrs itself into inertia.

The markers I have always associated with “work” over the past 13 years are gone. There is no boss, no HR, no coworkers to tell me which meetings I need to actually have a camera on for. There are no projects that are assigned to me each week. No 1-1s to complain about ambiguity. There is no “work” to speak of….. it is just me, writing this blog post.

At the same time, it is something. I have a website. I sent two texts this week, shyly asking if two friends-of-friends would… maybe… if they feel up for it… no pressure… keep me in mind in the new year as any marketing tasks come up I could help with.

So many caveats. So much understanding if nothing works out.

But at least it is something.

It is a start.

It is a process.